Divorce leaves a trail of heartache and unanswered questions. Many couples enter marriage with deep faith and genuine love, only to watch their relationship unravel. At our retreats for divorced men and women seeking to remarry, we've identified a painful truth: strong faith alone cannot sustain a marriage when relational foundations are weak.
Many couples enter marriage with a beautiful conviction: if they love God and each other deeply, their relationship will flourish naturally. They believe their shared faith will carry them through every challenge. Yet over time, they often find themselves facing unexplainable breakdowns, and a growing emotional distance that leaves them confused and disheartened. In moments of frustration, they may ask themselves, "If we both love the Lord so much, why is our marriage so difficult?"
The answer lies in understanding a crucial truth: Faith provides the canvas for your marriage, but it doesn’t replace the need for solving your foundational problems, and developing strong relationship and marriage skills. Imagine building a house—you wouldn’t pour a neglect the foundation and then neglect the walls, roof, and interior. In the same way, a thriving marriage requires both foundational strength and practical relationship know-how and tools. Without these, even the most devout couples can find themselves struggling in ways they never anticipated.
The Disconnect Between Faith and Relationship Skills
Some couples often encounter marital challenges not because their faith is lacking, but because they haven’t been equipped with the relational tools needed to navigate the complexities of marriage. Many assume that love, prayer, and good intentions will be enough to sustain their relationship. However, marriage brings together two imperfect people with different backgrounds, expectations, and emotional wounds. Without intentional effort to grow in understanding and communication, those differences can create tension rather than harmony.
For a marriage to thrive, couples must be intentional about developing both their foundational and relational health. This means moving beyond the assumption that faith alone will resolve conflicts and instead embracing the disciplines that foster lasting unity.
Your relationship with God doesn't bypass your human brokenness. Unhealed wounds from childhood, past relationships, or personal struggles don't disappear at the altar—they emerge in marriage. The very qualities you first loved often become the ones you later resent unless addressed.
For those who've experienced divorce, there's hope. Our retreat participants have found healing by revisiting their foundations through our genealogy retreats, and assessing information they couldn't detect on their own. The most powerful realization? Their faith wasn't the problem—it was insufficient information about self, history and relying on faith instead of doing the work marriage requires.
Finally, there should be no shame in seeking outside help when needed. Just as we visit doctors for physical health, seeing a counselor or mentor for relational guidance is a wise choice.
If you're divorced and hope to remarry, or if you're in a struggling marriage, remember: This time, build on more than faith—build on intelligence, wisdom, information, and practical preparation. At our retreats, we've witnessed incredible transformations when people stop blaming their faith for failing and start strengthening what faith alone couldn't sustain. Your story isn't over—it's just waiting for a stronger foundation.
